Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in Newfoundland. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, ‘I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.’
The old farmer Garge replied, ‘This is my property, and you are not coming over here.’
The indignant lawyer said, ‘I am one of the best trial lawyers in Toronto and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.’
The old farmer smiled and said, ‘Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Newfoundland . We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.’
The lawyer asked, ‘What is the ‘Tree Kick Rule’?’
The Farmer replied, ‘Well, because the dispute occurs on me land, I get to go first. I kick you tree times and then you kick me tree times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.’
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pad.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, ‘Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.’
The old farmer smiled and said, ‘Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.’
(via Super55 BloGG)
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
A duck walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer".
The bartender says "Hey! where did you come from?"
The duck says "I'm working the construction site across the street".
And the bartender says, "Well why are you working construction when you could be making millions in the circus?"
And the duck said "What would the circus want with a brick laying duck?"
Friday, May 01, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Friday, April 03, 2009
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked, "What are you doing with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."
Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why when I was your age, I never told a lie."
There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said,
"All right, give him the dog."
(via Miss Celania)
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 09, 2009
Friday, March 06, 2009
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with his farm ... especially, the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the Females.
He hired a Frenchman who didn't speak much English, but was a very good worker.
After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just about to throw away the severed, "parts", when the sheep farmer yelled,
"No -- Don't throw those away -- "My wife fries them up and we eat them ... they're delicious, and we call them 'sheep fries."
Later that day, the French hired-hand came in for supper and, indeed, he thought that the "sheep fries" were very tasty.
The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and that evening they all settled down to another supper of "sheep fries".
On the third day, however, when the sheep farmer came in for supper, he asked his wife where the French hired-hand was.
"You know, it's the weirdest thing," she said. "I told him that since there weren't that many "sheep fries" this evening, we were also going to have French Fries ...
and he ran like his ass was on fire!"
(via Phils Phun)