I saw it first!

What a phony!

(via)

Joke: Talking Parrot

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

The growth of a parrot

A photo series from Chicken Crap

Fatty Montrose Takes a Bath

Jackie-Boy

From flickr, Wimeriner's photos

Joke: Jesus is watching you!

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,

"Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a birdMoses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus."

Joke: Answered Prayers

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a
problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say
one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a
moment. "You know", he said, "I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and
read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll
put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach
your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to
stop saying... that phrase...in no time."

"Thank you", the woman responded, "this may very well be the
solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their
cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and
placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots
cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at
the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our
prayers have been answered."

(via)