(via: Sheltie Nation)
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
What is a mouse's favorite game?
Hide and squeak.
What is gray and has four legs and a trunk?
A mouse on vacation.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
What is small, furry and good at sword fights?
What time is it when 12 cats chase a mouse?
Twelve after one.
When do you need to oil a mouse?
When it squeaks.
When is it bad luck to have black cat follow you?
When you are a mouse.
Who is the largest mouse in the world?
E. Norm Mouse.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS.
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00.
Again, this was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
There's nothing more FUN than a dog with a ball!
According to Guinness World Records, the world record for the most tennis balls held in the mouth by a dog at one time is five. Augie, a golden retriever owned by the Miller family in Dallas, Texas, USA, successfully gathered and held all five regulation-sized tennis balls on July 6, 2003.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?”
He says, “O.K., Get in the car with it.”
“Where shall I put it to get it warm?”
He says, “Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there.
“But what about the smell?”
“Just hold its nose.”
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.
(via Bits & Pieces)
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Friday, June 06, 2008
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
How do penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
What do penguins have for lunch?
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
What kind of bird can write?
What kind of fish do penguins catch at night?
What’s black and white and goes round and around?
A penguin in a revolving door.
What's a penguin's favorite vegetable?
Who is a penguin's favorite singer?
Who is a penguin's favorite actor?
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
Why are penguins so popular on the Internet?
Because they have Web feet.
Why do penguins sit on marshmallows?
To keep from falling into the hot chocolate.
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.