From Squirrels are Evil!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
How deep can a frog go?
How do you get a frog off the back window of your car?
Use the rear defrogger.
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
What did one toad say to the other toad?
"One more game of leapfrog and I'll croak."
What did the frog order at McDonald's?
French flies and a diet Croak
What do frogs eat with their hamburgers?
What do Scottish toads play?
What do stylish frogs wear?
What do you get when you cross a frog and a hare?
A bunny ribbit.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
"Baroke, baroke, baroke."
What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
A Puppy's Twelve Days of Christmas
Monday, December 24, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Holiday Etiquette for Dogs
1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.
2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:
5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:
7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON'T BITE HIM!!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Friday, December 21, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
"Santa Claws" uploaded by Malingering
"santa8s" uploaded by nika_gagarina
"Christmas lizards" uploaded by gerad
"Toto Claus" uploaded by lynne_b (I'm back)
"Santa Bunny! (plotting my destruction)" uploaded by pippicat
"Kiki's First Christmas" uploaded by siskokid
"Barkley :santa dog" uploaded by wahoowadad
"Santa Kitty" uploaded by jemmett
"Santa's Littlest Helper" uploaded by Many Cats 4 Me
"Merry Christmas from Rabi&Marron" uploaded by tomo1203
"Santa Mina" uploaded by brandylee
"bullwinkle, grinch, milo, george and kermit celebrate the holidays" uploaded by Malingering
"Santa Mickey" uploaded by kelly-s
"Happy Chihuahuaka!" uploaded by vandyll.net
"SANTA HORSE" uploaded by Mausebärchen
"HO HO HO!!!" uploaded by missgingersnap
"Santa's new helper" uploaded by lipstickcat
10. Up on the Mousetop
9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
8. Joy to the Curled
7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
6. The First Meow
5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
4. Silent Mice
3. Fluffy, the Snowman
2. Jingle Balls
1. Wreck the Halls!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
The Twelve Days of Kissmouse
(I think you know the tune!)
"Twelve Abbys jumping"
"Eleven Bengals singing"
"Ten Studs a Howling!"
"Nine Birmans dancing"
"Eight Persians purring"
"Seven Vans a swimming"
"Six Manx a prancing"
"Five - Calling - Queens....."
"And a Maine Coon in a Kissmouse Tree"
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
A Dog's Christmas Promises
Christmas is for humans, and I will not ruin the surprises by opening all their presents.
Christmas light bulbs, Christmas ornaments, Christmas stockings, and tinsel from the Christmas tree are not food.
I am the alpha dog, therefore I do not need to protect my new Christmas rawhide from the omega dog by taking it outside to eat when the wind chill is -10 F.
I will not demolish the Christmas tree and drag the string of lights out into the backyard through the doggy door.
I will not dive into the Christmas tree to get the candy canes (which I will eat -- paper and all).
I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until after they're out of the stocking!
I will not even THINK about going underneath the Christmas tree and piddling on the dining room rug.
I will not get into a fight with the bigger dog next door, making my human have to call the vet's at Christmas.
I will not get tangled up in the Christmas tree lights and pull the tree down while trying to get at a cat through the conservatory window.
I will not pee on Grandma's Christmas presents that are under her tree as soon as we enter her house.
I will not pee on the Christmas tree.
I will not steal the neighbor's Christmas light bulbs.
The bowl underneath the Christmas tree is not a dog dish. I will not drink from it. It will make me sick.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"How can there be 40?" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Saturday, December 08, 2007
A Cat's Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas
'Cuz the cat had pounced on him
Kitty thought he heard sleigh bells,
"Must be Santa" thought Kitty
Indeed it was ol' Santa,
"Wow, the best Christmas ever!"
Friday, December 07, 2007
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park."
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Saturday, December 01, 2007
What NOT to Get Your Dog for Christmas
1. A CD of cats meowing popular Christmas songs.
2. A chew toy with the head already gnawed off by his canine brother who chewed his way into the gift box around the 15th of the month.
3. A chew toy shaped like a shoe which he is immediately going to confuse with the right sneaker of your favorite pair.
4. Central A/C for his Dogloo when you're still using individual wall units that are barely up to cooling a small close-size area in your house.
5. Anything Garfield.
6. A remote control for the refrigerator door.
7. A knitted pink sweater that makes your macho doberman look like a poodle.
8. A deluxe pre-packaged treat-filled Christmas stocking that's large enough for you to use as a sleeping bag.
9. Doggie antlers when your near-sighted hunting relatives will be spending the holidays with you.
10. A stuffed toy dog with an angel's halo as a hint as to what he has to do to get more presents next year.
11. A doggie door between you and the suspicious butcher next door.
12. An audition for a diet dog food commercial where they feed him so much during retakes that he actually gains weight.
13. A piece of jewelry featuring a ceramic dog of his breed for you to wear.
14. His own i-pets.com credit card.
15. A cat.