What a big baby!
From Squirrels are Evil!
The only thing more fun than owning a pet is to brag about their beauty and accomplishments, show off their funny pictures, and read some of the humorous jokes and quotes written about our favorite animals.
How deep can a frog go?
Knee-deep Knee-deep!
How do you get a frog off the back window of your car?
Use the rear defrogger.
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
Unhoppy.
What did one toad say to the other toad?
"One more game of leapfrog and I'll croak."
What did the frog order at McDonald's?
French flies and a diet Croak
What do frogs eat with their hamburgers?
French flies.
What do Scottish toads play?
Hop-scotch.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits!
What do you get when you cross a frog and a hare?
A bunny ribbit.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
"Baroke, baroke, baroke."
What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied!
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1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans. 2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours. 3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers. 4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:
5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:
7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON'T BITE HIM!! |
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Posted by FUNNY PETS at 9:04 AM 0 comments
Labels: animals, christmas, funny picture collection, pets
10. Up on the Mousetop
9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
8. Joy to the Curled
7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
6. The First Meow
5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
4. Silent Mice
3. Fluffy, the Snowman
2. Jingle Balls
1. Wreck the Halls!
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The Twelve Days of Kissmouse
(I think you know the tune!)
"Twelve Abbys jumping"
"Eleven Bengals singing"
"Ten Studs a Howling!"
"Nine Birmans dancing"
"Eight Persians purring"
"Seven Vans a swimming"
"Six Manx a prancing"
"Five - Calling - Queens....."
"Four Pixiebobs"
"Three Orientals"
"Two Singapuras"
"And a Maine Coon in a Kissmouse Tree"
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Christmas is for humans, and I will not ruin the surprises by opening all their presents. Christmas light bulbs, Christmas ornaments, Christmas stockings, and tinsel from the Christmas tree are not food. I am the alpha dog, therefore I do not need to protect my new Christmas rawhide from the omega dog by taking it outside to eat when the wind chill is -10 F. I will not demolish the Christmas tree and drag the string of lights out into the backyard through the doggy door. I will not dive into the Christmas tree to get the candy canes (which I will eat -- paper and all). I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until after they're out of the stocking! I will not even THINK about going underneath the Christmas tree and piddling on the dining room rug. I will not get into a fight with the bigger dog next door, making my human have to call the vet's at Christmas. I will not get tangled up in the Christmas tree lights and pull the tree down while trying to get at a cat through the conservatory window. I will not pee on Grandma's Christmas presents that are under her tree as soon as we enter her house. I will not pee on the Christmas tree. I will not steal the neighbor's Christmas light bulbs. The bowl underneath the Christmas tree is not a dog dish. I will not drink from it. It will make me sick. |
A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"How can there be 40?" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."
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'Twas the night before Christmas 'Cuz the cat had pounced on him Kitty thought he heard sleigh bells, "Must be Santa" thought Kitty Indeed it was ol' Santa, "Wow, the best Christmas ever!" |
I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park."
(via)
In solidarity with the striking writers, all the adorable animals on the Internet are going on strike. From Colbert Report writers Frank Lesser and Rob Dubbin.
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1. A CD of cats meowing popular Christmas songs. 2. A chew toy with the head already gnawed off by his canine brother who chewed his way into the gift box around the 15th of the month. 3. A chew toy shaped like a shoe which he is immediately going to confuse with the right sneaker of your favorite pair. 4. Central A/C for his Dogloo when you're still using individual wall units that are barely up to cooling a small close-size area in your house. 5. Anything Garfield. 6. A remote control for the refrigerator door. 7. A knitted pink sweater that makes your macho doberman look like a poodle. 8. A deluxe pre-packaged treat-filled Christmas stocking that's large enough for you to use as a sleeping bag. 9. Doggie antlers when your near-sighted hunting relatives will be spending the holidays with you. 10. A stuffed toy dog with an angel's halo as a hint as to what he has to do to get more presents next year. 11. A doggie door between you and the suspicious butcher next door. 12. An audition for a diet dog food commercial where they feed him so much during retakes that he actually gains weight. 13. A piece of jewelry featuring a ceramic dog of his breed for you to wear. 14. His own i-pets.com credit card. 15. A cat. |
What is a French cat's favorite dessert?
Chocolate mousse
What is the cat's favorite magazine?
Good Mousekeeping.
What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One means pause at the end of a clause, and the other means claws at the end of paws
What kind of cat will keep your grass short?
A Lawn Meower.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
It's raining cats and dogs.
Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?
The retail store.
Why did the cat join the Red Cross ?
Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit.
Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats?
Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
There was some money in the kitty.
Why was the cat so small?
Because it only ate condensed milk.