Joke: A Dog's Christmas Promises

A Dog's Christmas Promises

Christmas is for humans, and I will not ruin the surprises by opening all their presents. Christmas light bulbs, Christmas ornaments, Christmas stockings, and tinsel from the Christmas tree are not food. I am the alpha dog, therefore I do not need to protect my new Christmas rawhide from the omega dog by taking it outside to eat when the wind chill is -10 F. I will not demolish the Christmas tree and drag the string of lights out into the backyard through the doggy door. I will not dive into the Christmas tree to get the candy canes (which I will eat -- paper and all). I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until after they're out of the stocking! I will not even THINK about going underneath the Christmas tree and piddling on the dining room rug. I will not get into a fight with the bigger dog next door, making my human have to call the vet's at Christmas. I will not get tangled up in the Christmas tree lights and pull the tree down while trying to get at a cat through the conservatory window. I will not pee on Grandma's Christmas presents that are under her tree as soon as we enter her house. I will not pee on the Christmas tree. I will not steal the neighbor's Christmas light bulbs. The bowl underneath the Christmas tree is not a dog dish. I will not drink from it. It will make me sick.

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