
From Squirrels are Evil!
The only thing more fun than owning a pet is to brag about their beauty and accomplishments, show off their funny pictures, and read some of the humorous jokes and quotes written about our favorite animals.
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1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans. 2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours. 3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers. 4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:
5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:
7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON'T BITE HIM!! |
Christmas is for humans, and I will not ruin the surprises by opening all their presents. Christmas light bulbs, Christmas ornaments, Christmas stockings, and tinsel from the Christmas tree are not food. I am the alpha dog, therefore I do not need to protect my new Christmas rawhide from the omega dog by taking it outside to eat when the wind chill is -10 F. I will not demolish the Christmas tree and drag the string of lights out into the backyard through the doggy door. I will not dive into the Christmas tree to get the candy canes (which I will eat -- paper and all). I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until after they're out of the stocking! I will not even THINK about going underneath the Christmas tree and piddling on the dining room rug. I will not get into a fight with the bigger dog next door, making my human have to call the vet's at Christmas. I will not get tangled up in the Christmas tree lights and pull the tree down while trying to get at a cat through the conservatory window. I will not pee on Grandma's Christmas presents that are under her tree as soon as we enter her house. I will not pee on the Christmas tree. I will not steal the neighbor's Christmas light bulbs. The bowl underneath the Christmas tree is not a dog dish. I will not drink from it. It will make me sick. |
'Twas the night before Christmas 'Cuz the cat had pounced on him Kitty thought he heard sleigh bells, "Must be Santa" thought Kitty Indeed it was ol' Santa, "Wow, the best Christmas ever!" |
1. A CD of cats meowing popular Christmas songs. 2. A chew toy with the head already gnawed off by his canine brother who chewed his way into the gift box around the 15th of the month. 3. A chew toy shaped like a shoe which he is immediately going to confuse with the right sneaker of your favorite pair. 4. Central A/C for his Dogloo when you're still using individual wall units that are barely up to cooling a small close-size area in your house. 5. Anything Garfield. 6. A remote control for the refrigerator door. 7. A knitted pink sweater that makes your macho doberman look like a poodle. 8. A deluxe pre-packaged treat-filled Christmas stocking that's large enough for you to use as a sleeping bag. 9. Doggie antlers when your near-sighted hunting relatives will be spending the holidays with you. 10. A stuffed toy dog with an angel's halo as a hint as to what he has to do to get more presents next year. 11. A doggie door between you and the suspicious butcher next door. 12. An audition for a diet dog food commercial where they feed him so much during retakes that he actually gains weight. 13. A piece of jewelry featuring a ceramic dog of his breed for you to wear. 14. His own i-pets.com credit card. 15. A cat. |