Joke: The Duck Hunter’s Dog

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to his most skeptical friend, inviting him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by; they fired, and a duck fell.

The dog responded. It did not sink, but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter finally broke the silence, asking, “Well, what do you think of my new dog?”

The other guy was quiet for a moment, then said, “Can’t swim, huh?”

(via)

Joke: The giraffe

A man goes into a bar with a giraffe, they both get a couple of rounds in. When they get up to leave they're extremely drunk and the giraffe passes out and falls over. The man opens the door, about to leave by himself, when the bartender stops him suddenly and says, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!"

The man turns around and slurs, "Don't be silly, that's not a lion, that's a giraffe!"
(via)

Joke: Ranch Life

Amy, a blond city girl, marries a rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,

"The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn.

You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"

So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one.. right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says: "I guess it's to hang your pants on....."

(via Miss Cellania)

Bored

Charlie is bored

Joke: Fish Heads

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $5 each," says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough," says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $5 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $3. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."

Sit!

(via: Menton Daily Photo)

Jackson the macaw shows off

"Jackson the macaw shows off" by Critter Camp Mom

Critter Camp is the ONLY sanctuary in the U.S. actually which cares for such a large variety of different animals: Over 200 animals of 30 different species!

Too much sun and fun

"Rough day" by Corsi photo

Joke: Janitor Dog

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, “Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job.”

“Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can't believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!”

“No, no,” pleaded the dog. “Please don't! If he finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phone as well!”

The waterbearer

(via: Photography and Art of Jim Arnold)
Also see Jim Arnold Photography and Design

Rough weekend

(via: THAT MUTT: A Dog Blog)