(via)
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Joke: Short Animal Jokes - Elephants, Part 1
How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Look for elephant tracks in the butter.
How do you know if there is an elephant under your bed?
Your nose is touching the ceiling.
How do you make an elephant float?
Add two scoops of ice cream and a can of root beer to one elephant.
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun, of course.
How do you shoot a red elephant?
No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a green elephant?
Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
Don’t be silly, there’s no such thing as a yellow elephant!
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit card.
How you get down from an elephant?
You don't, you get down from ducks.
If you see an elephant in your car, what time is it?
Time to get a new car!
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How can you breathe through that?"
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
Look for elephant tracks in the butter.
How do you know if there is an elephant under your bed?
Your nose is touching the ceiling.
How do you make an elephant float?
Add two scoops of ice cream and a can of root beer to one elephant.
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun, of course.
How do you shoot a red elephant?
No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a green elephant?
Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
Don’t be silly, there’s no such thing as a yellow elephant!
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit card.
How you get down from an elephant?
You don't, you get down from ducks.
If you see an elephant in your car, what time is it?
Time to get a new car!
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How can you breathe through that?"
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Joke: Short Animal Jokes - Cows, Part 3
What is the most important use for cowhide?
To hold the cow together.
What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?
Eski-moos.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!
Where do cows go on dates?
To the movies.
Where do milk shakes come from?
Nervous cows.
Why did Cleopatra take milk baths?
She couldn't find a cow tall enough for a shower.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the moosic store.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
To get to the Milky Way.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
Why don't cows ever have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry.
Why is a barn so noisy?
All the cows have horns.
To hold the cow together.
What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?
Eski-moos.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!
Where do cows go on dates?
To the movies.
Where do milk shakes come from?
Nervous cows.
Why did Cleopatra take milk baths?
She couldn't find a cow tall enough for a shower.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the moosic store.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
To get to the Milky Way.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
Why don't cows ever have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry.
Why is a barn so noisy?
All the cows have horns.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Phhrhpht!
Lolcats are photos with humorous captions. Lolcat images consist of a photo, sometimes photoshopped, with words typed over the photo. They are usually intentionally grammatically incorrect, with errors in spelling and syntax. Create your own lolcat.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Joke: Short Animal Jokes - Dogs, Part 7
Which dog is fun to play with?
The Toy poodle.
Which dog is really dumb?
The Airhead terrier.
Which dog is very scary?
A boo terrier.
Which dog smells the best?
The Scent Bernard.
Which dog tastes better when eaten?
A hot dog.
Which dog wears a badge and carries handcuffs?
A police dog.
Which dog weighs the most?
The heavyweight boxer.
Which dog works in a restaurant?
The Irish table setter.
Which foods definitely don't mix?
A hot dog and catsup.
Which part of trees do dogs like best?
The bark.
The Toy poodle.
Which dog is really dumb?
The Airhead terrier.
Which dog is very scary?
A boo terrier.
Which dog smells the best?
The Scent Bernard.
Which dog tastes better when eaten?
A hot dog.
Which dog wears a badge and carries handcuffs?
A police dog.
Which dog weighs the most?
The heavyweight boxer.
Which dog works in a restaurant?
The Irish table setter.
Which foods definitely don't mix?
A hot dog and catsup.
Which part of trees do dogs like best?
The bark.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Newborn kitten receives puppy love
Sprinkle, a 1-year-old white Chihuahua owned by Teresa Coale, considers the newest addition to the household her new puppy.
Her new “puppy” is actually a 2-week-old black kitten.
Sprinkle regularly grooms the kitten, licking its face and body. She protects the kitten from people reaching in to pick her up. Even though she’s not producing milk, the dog tries to nurse the kitten. The unlikely pair also sleep together, curled up with the kitten’s head resting on Sprinkle’s body.
(via)
Monday, June 11, 2007
Camp Gone to the Dogs
Do you hate to take a vacation without your dog? Do you find anything you do is more fun with your canine buddy beside you? Do you really enjoy watching your dog have a great time?If this sounds like you, Camp Gone to the Dogs® may be your dream vacation.
Picture yourself and your dog enjoying the great outdoors as you train on lush green fields, with vistas of distant mountains on the horizon.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
A dog's life in Paris
Dogs are part of the fiber of daily life in Paris. They're with their owners in restaurants, in up-scale hair salons, in the Metro, and absolutely everywhere in the streets. Sometimes they're on leash, and if tired, they may be carried in their owner's arms or even put in a baby buggy. But more often than not, they're free-wheeling through the streets, leashless, impeccably behaved, and always in the company of their owners.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Joke: Short Animal Jokes - Dogs, Part 6
What kind of tree goes arf! arf!?
A dogwood.
What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
It's raining cats and dogs.
What's the first thing a dog politician learns?
How to shake hands.
Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.
Where do young dogs sleep when they camp out?
In pup tents.
Where should you never take a dog
To a flea market.
Which breed of dog can make you yell "Ouch"?
The Doberman pincher.
Which dog eats twice as much as any other dog?
A Chow Chow.
Which dog has long hair and never spends any money?
An Old English cheap dog.
Which dog is a 14-carat canine?
The golden retriever.
A dogwood.
What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
It's raining cats and dogs.
What's the first thing a dog politician learns?
How to shake hands.
Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.
Where do young dogs sleep when they camp out?
In pup tents.
Where should you never take a dog
To a flea market.
Which breed of dog can make you yell "Ouch"?
The Doberman pincher.
Which dog eats twice as much as any other dog?
A Chow Chow.
Which dog has long hair and never spends any money?
An Old English cheap dog.
Which dog is a 14-carat canine?
The golden retriever.
